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The Power of Words

January 16, 2012

No pictures today, sometimes words are powerful enough. I have shared before my thoughts on words like discipline and self-control. Building more of both into my life has led me onwards to another word which is closely linked, priority.

I have really prioritised writing my book over the past few months with the satisfying result that the chapters are flowing. In the process, I am having to say no more often than I ever have in my life. This is requiring me to practice what I preach about discipline and self-control as my natural tendency is to say yes whenever I can. This is mainly because I am generous, kind and giving. Yet there is also the unhealthy part of me that will turn myself inside out to please others. The very part of my flawed personality that has blocked my writing for decades.

Ever since my secondary school English teacher peeped over her glasses and said to me,

“Sarah, you must write about your family, this is great!”- I have been shaking in my writing boots. That means thirty years of quaking and not writing, wasted. The dilemma is how do I write about my family, express what I think, feel and experience and not hurt or blame?How do you write about painful childhood issues or destructive behaviour and “honour your father and mother?”

One of the reasons I write under a pseudonyms is to protect myself  and to free me up to be authentic when writing about my extended family. My fear was that if they ever found out I was writing my story they would definitely do their utmost to stop me or possibly sue.

I am currently totally estranged from them after years of struggling to overcome a painful injustice. When I told them I was sexually abused as a child, I was not believed and then punished for telling. I finally had to say no, “I can’t do this anymore.” I prioritized my life and let go of being a sister and daughter and devoted those energies into being the best wife and mother I can be.

I make no apologies or justification for what was the most painful decision of my life.If I had not taken this drastic action I know I would not be where I am today. I am not sure if I would even be here at all.

Here I am, finally writing and guess what happened?

After five years of no contact and almost ten since I have seen most of my siblings, they have tracked me down via this blog and left some simple words with the power to have me shaking in my boots, again.

Please get in touch!

One of my favourite poems is by Robert Frost and  begins “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.” Do I take the yes road or the no road? What would you do?

I don’t believe in coincidences just Godincidences. He has given me free will and his timing is always perfect. Do I continue to prioritise in the way I have been or do I take a risk and open myself up to the possibility of grace, forgiveness and love that may be the perfect end to my story?

8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 16, 2012 12:42 pm

    Such powerful words, thank you. My Mom died last year and although we were not estranged, we had drifted apart. Her illness brought us together and I was so pleased to have the time to get to know her as a woman. She taught me a lot.

    Sometimes there is no perfect ending, just a peaceful ending.

    Lesley x.

    • Sarah Koblow permalink*
      January 18, 2012 7:16 am

      Thank you so much for your wise words and the reminder how precious time is. Another Godincident between us as that the sister wanting contact is a valiant breast cancer survivor, we both had cancer at the same time. I would so love a peaceful ending to this chapter in my story

  2. January 16, 2012 1:10 pm

    Dearest Sarah,…always free will involved. Choice and compassion. xxx

    • Sarah Koblow permalink*
      January 18, 2012 7:19 am

      Dear warrior sister you know how full of compassion I am, thanks for the reminder. Rest that arm! coming to holland in June will you be there!

  3. January 16, 2012 1:13 pm

    Free will – sorry about misspelling – still typing with one hand (recovering broken wrist!!)

  4. Sareen permalink
    January 16, 2012 2:07 pm

    Hi Sarah
    I’m so pleased to hear your writing is going well.
    It is great to hear how you are getting on.
    I don’t really know what to say with regards to your family, maybe give yourself time before you answer them?
    My thoughts and very best wishes are with you.
    Sareen x

  5. January 20, 2012 11:39 am

    Knowing a little of your history, I can imagine your fear. Not only do you have a choice as to responding (or not), you also can decide when. Don’t let anyone rush you into doing something you’re not prepared for, either way. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers


  1. The Power of Words Part Two « Count Only Sunny Hours

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